Temper tantrums and not so matching socks

So I had a pretty tough last week. After finally getting over the jetlag, and coming into some kind of normal routine, I had one of the toughest days I’ve had in a very long time. It involved my oldest son, and the mother of all temper tantrums. For people who follow me on facebook, they’ve most like read the long wall of text, describing the incident, for the rest of you here’s what happened.

Basically my oldest son had a bad day. He has a tendency to have tantrums when he’s tired, and that, he was. This particular day he decided to throw a fit in the store, while we where grocery shopping. It was worse than normal, and none of the regular threats/bribes/pleads did the trick. I had to leave the store, but I didn’t know how to bring him with me, because he was kicking and screaming and sweeping the store floor with his body. Because I also had Noah in the stroller, physically grabbing him wasn’t an option. So I started walking, knowing he usually follows. And so he he did, still screaming at the top of his lungs, periodically throwing himself on the ground. Somewhere outside the store though, I went to get his bike, and he ran passed me, not seeing me. People gathered around him thinking he was sad because he lost his mommy. Some people decided I was a bad parent, made snappy comments and where incredibly rude. A man accused me of not taking care of my child which pissed me off something awful.

Here’s the thing peeps; Kids throw fits sometimes. It’s part of growing up, and the terrible two’s and three’s. As long as they stop doing it as they grow older, you’re good. There’s nothing else to it. Having a child screaming and kicking doesn’t actually make you a bad parent. There’s research backing that up. So before accusing parents of not doing their jobs, of being complacent, too strict or whatever else you think someone’s doing wrong – think for a second that you don’t actually know the context of whatever is going on. If you’ve observed an ongoing situation for a minute or so, there’s no way you know the entire story, so just butt out. Or ask. Ask what happened and how you can help, if you want to contribute with something.

The whole day just left me sad, tired, angry and agitated. Not even knitting helped.

Speaking of knitting, I finished my broken seed stitch socks last week. I knitted them in the Rellana sock yarn bought  a month or so back. Sadly it looks like two very different socks.

image

I’m usually not insistent on socks matching completely, but it would be nice if they didn’t look like two different pairs of socks. The color repeats in the yarn are just a bit too long for this pattern, so I might just have to knit two more socks and see if I can match them better.

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4 Responses to Temper tantrums and not so matching socks

  1. polwygle says:

    Hugs. And more hugs. This is an exhausting stage of parenting. My younger one will have fits for days. I called my mum asking for advice only to be told that none of her six children ever had a temper tantrum. I guess some people just have selective amnesia. I’m trying to do better about asking for help. I was shot down in an inconceivable way once that kept me shell shocked for a year. A year I didn’t have to cry my way through.

    • tuathaa says:

      I think some kids are just calmer. But I tell myself that those kids will flip sooner or later, and I’d rather mine misbehaves now, than when he’s a teen or a grown man. Small kids, small problems and all that.

      The temper tantrums are hard. Really hard. I bought two books on the subject, hoping I can learn how to avoid or calm them better. I also asked my mom, but she’s a psychologist, so she reads all kinds of stuff into it, which I’m not sure if it’s better or worse 🙂

      What bothered me most, though, where the comments people made. People who didn’t understand, that my boy was throwing a fit because I tried to discipline him, and who probably aren’t used to kids, and understand that the best way to deal with it is to not give it too much attention. Attention, during a fit, while intensify it, which people mistakenly contributet to, while accusing me of sucking as a parent.

      Anyway, it has definitely left it’s mark. I haven’t been to the store with both the boys since, and I really don’t want to either.

  2. I had a child who threw tantrums like that. It was awful; once we were in a store and I couldn’t pick him up because he would bite me. I just had to wait it out and of course people noticed and gave advice. You are right, this is normal and part of growing up. I started marking on a calendar when tantrums happened. They clustered a und a few days or a week, and then things would get better for a few days or weeks. After a cluster of tantrum days I would notice that he had made some developmental gain. I think the two (tantrums and developmental advances) are linked. Hang in there mom, you are doing a great job!

    • tuathaa says:

      I think you might be right. My son was almost impossible, right before I went to the states. He was throwing fits like that (well ok, not exactly like that, but almost) daily. We where starting to wonder what we where doing wrong. I can see though, that he plays differently now, and talks differently, like he just grew up overnight.

      However, I think in my case, it’s also worsened when he’s tired. He’s never been much of a sleeper, and has generally very explosive temper, both laughing and crying. We’ll see when he gets older if this is something we have to consider and take action for, but for now, I just wish people would stick their unwanted comments and advice somewhere where the sun don’t shine. Grr.

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